Shady Past and President…

India is likely to elect its next President (huh!). With the current President (a truly magnanimous personality) facing ouster […the] otherwise dumb television with juicy commercials and nerdy sitcoms open debates on ‘who will be”? In past few months, some biggies are surfaced but the latest [and politically the most suitable] candidate — a frail woman from Maharashtrian belt is likely to be the Chosen One.

Did I say frail? Well, she looks as one with her doubly-sized spectacles and baffling ‘gray matter’. A cynosure to many political stalwarts who have turned India’s ‘post-independence’ political history from ‘best -> better->good' (now…approaching to worst). What makes her the toughest contender is ‘she’ a Woman’. With Patil becoming as the ‘first ever Indian woman President’ it’s a political advantage to the recent government and their supporting parliamentary associates. A razor-edge job, a crucial ‘game plan’; political gamers sweat, pant, huff…

Wonder what will happen to the Women’s Bill? With now a likely women President-on rule (though undeserving) will she sign the reservation or won’t she? Hamletian dilemma

Lost and Lonely....

It's deserted and lonely, just like my childhood!

I'm a lonely celibate, me. I do nothing. I go home and fry eggs. They say, “When you're alone and life is making you lonely you can always go downtown. Pick a girl and have merry”. If I ever do get a girl to come back to my place I won't know what to do with her. I'll be flicking hot fat at her with a spatula. Do you have any idea how lonely it is, how dangerous?

Bristi Elo! (In Bangla)

It’s been raining every minute. Olive and green spread extravagantly yet elegant. Theme of the day is to find a fresh look, hmm…!!!

[This is a transliterate part in Bengali (my mother tongue) where expression flow like a poetry; and sometimes, this can’t be translated in any other language…so excuse me!!!]

“Amar janla—r theke unki’ maare’
Oi je bodo gach ta!
Aaj shara-din bristhi’r jole bhije…
Kochi kolabou hoye utheche!

Khola akash-er niche dolna pete…
Do dudul dol khach—e!” —Bhari mojo’ nah

Singin' bout Rains...

Rains had left me hankering for a nice palate of crunchy hot fries accompanied by an equally large pot of tea. The soft pitter-patter all day long as thousand wet kisses from dark cloud maketh Earth go green. The morning shower lasted for few thirty minutes as I get late to office but as the dusk crawl in millions bounce off rooftops and sidewalks…just enough to remind me of home.

By the time I sat down to draft my review, I scratched things out. And heavy rain sprinkled on me; on my bed…I got a strange desire to eat ice creams. If it doesn’t stop raining till tomorrow…I’ll buy myself Mayflower…to float!

Time passing fast, indeed. Waiting for winter’s I will go home.

Stuck to a Bad Marriage!

I’ve two words to start…”F*** You”!
I know, I know. I’m the Chosen One. But, once in a while, can't you choose someone else? Look, you wanna know how it feels…get into a bad marriage. You’ll enjoy ripping off your own brains out.

Okay! It sucks…I think I must call off and gonna do away with it. And it gonna happen soon. Boo!!! Hell’ya, I’m no more concerned or give a damn’ (to be politically correct). Not gonna shake up. From the throne of God in heaven to the belly of hell, I can all fuck myself and then go jump in the lake coz I no more scared being jobless.

The truth…The office has lot of evil things to speak than few good words. First, a regular doze of gobbledygook board filled with millions of alphabet, I read all patiently. Now, into a project where I’ve nothing to offer but the SME’s (subject-matter expert) who’re hiding somewhere deep down in the most darkest corner of Hell. I’m clueless…deadline tomorrow.

I’m not goin to strike to a pot of gold in last 8-hours. Man! This is shit… Do I need to spell it out for you? F-U-C...

Main tenu pher milaangee (I'll meet you again)

I’ve lost touch of what it is to be friend…until one day he turned up after month passing to years and years quadrupled. I realized we’ve the fire still burning within us but we aren’t getting closer yet, the old hand shake still serves as well.

After years me and N were over the chat opening ourselves to a more closer realm. Another old friend but the best (ahem)! Now the pain we share for the loss follow me like a wagtail. But how could you live with the memory when there isn’t any. I know those pair of naughty eyes, round face, fresh smile…I know how much he desire to be a face in the crowd. A tragic misunderstanding led us being considered as hostile to each other. Gawd! Let the feud be ended by now.

Extract from the chat we had day before…
N: … i hardly have anytime with anyone these days
Me: Good for u…
N: ;)
Me: Shall I confess?
N: Yeah!
Me: You’ve changed a lot…
N: Why? What make you think so?
Me: Dunno! Guess I maybe wrong but u r no more that same.....
N: You are right. I have become quieter.
Me: Good for u............
N: Yea. I don’t respond too much.
Me: You become a loner…
N: Sort of!
Me: Shall I confess? I tried every bit and every single day to ignore but still I missed thee the most.
N: I miss you too, brother. You distanced a lot.
…
…
Me: Life ain’t dat big. We’ll meet again someday.
N: Amen!
-END

For you N.
मैं तेनु फेर मिलान्गी
कित्हे किस् तरह, पता नही
शायद तेरी ताख्यल दीं चिनाग बन के…
तेरे कैनवस ते उत्रांगी
जहाँ होर तेरे कैनवस दे उत्ते
इक रहस्यमयी लकीर बन के
खामोश तेनु तक्दी रवानगी…
…
तेनु मैं फिर मिलान्गी
[Poem by Amrita Preetam]

Cursed...

Life stands still. I know I’m rambling over the blog like a lost soul but I guess if, the loneliness is cut open from me I’d have been an interesting study. Smack down!!! It’s a shit to keep writing about stuff that’s never gonna be dead till I’m buried.

I'm sick of being alone. But, I don’t do anything to change. I’m not sure I’d feel – guilty or pity. But I'd see something like some old lady sitting by herself under the morning rays, her fingers counting the beads while the eyes hollow and dim…and I feel something sad, somebody very much alike to me.

It happened more than once. Once, I talked to one of my friend about the feeling and he reacted strangely calling me a ‘gay’. Eeewww!

Thought it was a Sunday...

It was the early mornin' streaks of pleasant sunrise cascading on to my rooms hitting the embalmed eyes filled with sweet dreams. I grinned for a moment and went back to sleep thinkin' 'its SUNDAY'.

Uugh! I really lost the count of days.
Well, I don't see a lot of Sunday picnics in the recent offing. Instead, I see myself skulking in the shadows, hiding from the sun... blossoming into a early middle-aged guy who want to keep himself with the life till it's passed him by.

In my to-do list, there's a lot more errands awaiting like a maid. She wanna' get mop, some cooking for the hard soul (last week, I survived only on pizzas and bottles of beer only), shoppin' - em' I hate dat. What a waste of a perfectly good Saturday.

I'll keep posting about the stuffs I bought for... and a recipe dat I did prepared tonite. Till den' lock the door and play board games in the basement or jump up and down, scream as loud as you can, and run around the TV. Do exactly as Schnooky and Bubbles do.

Conversation with a friend…

[Excerpts from a long conversation between me and K. Part of the excerpts are changed to English so that others don’t share the common mother-tongue could read.]
...
…
K: Do you’ve a steady girlfriend?
Me: [with a twitched brow] I HAVE WAT…
K: Girlfriends r not aliens. You heard me correct. Do have 1? A steady one…
Me: Why? Can’t a man live without a woman? I don’t have any…steady/unsteady… whatever!
K: I jus asked. But one needs to have. It’s difficult to live without a partner.
Me: I disagree…

Yes. I disagree and to confess I’m a loner. I’ve adjusted. I accepted. You don't understand. A kind of longing always follows me like a shadow of my own. It was when I was happiest that I longed most and it was on happy days, when loneliness haunts me more than anything. Everything seems to be strange and drifting. A great ennui stretches its arms and says lovingly, “Psyche come”!

Ah, the plaintive cry of “something is missing” rings deep in heart with empty eyes fixated to the great walls standing high…festooned with moments of being unloved. I’ve sensed listlessness in my palms. (I pull the most sharpest of the razor blades and slashed my wrist watching the burgundy blood washing down my sins.)

Huh! To tell’ ya K. People drain me, even the closest of friends, and I find loneliness to be the only state to live in. I was the old stuff toy passing hands, who cared?

Cordiality Interrupted...

Fatefully, the city and I never share a good rapport—it was a rough place, the seediest dive on the wharf; populated with many rejected and cutthroats, it’s gory than the HELL. And, I just returned home crying…

Last week’s pepper-salt journey left me with bruised heart, if not a broken one. Bohemia is dead…as I got sucked to relationship that comes to end badly. Yes, we’ve rules – very clear and important ones to govern a relationship. The unholy tante - a goose quill dipped in venom, overcedes left me interrupted…sic!

Well, our relationship hasn't been exactly domestic; we lived a separate live completely oblivious to each other, standing by the shore miles apart – meeting are formal and rare. There’s no emotion yet she was lethal less than being cordial and I felt miserable. She doesn't even know what a lasting relationship is and probably ever had is... with... evil.

Well, what about the idea that opposite attracts? I'm sorry. She an ungrateful bitch…Fuc-a-bitch! I am not visiting this woman again. She's evil! And mind’ya, I do ain't pretty at all. See these claws? Unbreakable. You? Bet not.

Morning Blues

Good Morning…hell’ ya!

I could kill someone without remorse. I was in sound sleep listening to the gurgling waterfall; when I brought myself to the realization that the gushing flow is not a natural but man-made. My small apartment has turned into a big pool as the sink overflowed after I had left the water running last night. The floor flushed with dirty water, still running afresh with floating bed, the month’s ration, pen-drive, few CD covers, and morsels from leftover dinner. The house is in mess and I’m into knee-high dirty water running for a cover.

Morning blues started as I’ve to mop and bail the sink out, which was a grueling 1-hour task. Now feeling tired and need a good sleep but clock ticking faster than any other day.

Time to office.
PS: I am going to Mumbai today for the weekend and will be returning on Sunday nite…till then taps are sealed.