Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The Historic Proposal – Indecency Withheld

Well, before you deduce any conclusion lemma intimidate and inform I ain’t suffering of Delhi belly or other cerebral maladies but perfectly sober unfortunately, when writing. Added disclaimer, this is strictly adult porn for Teenagehood when virginity is ‘one’ of those excited doses that you like to experiment. For sappy historians or history lovers, read yourself out of content. 

He was the Young Turk with a mansion and a harem. She’s sexy floorboard wench wily enough to be whoranndo; both walk into the history with a *indecent proposal* - and voluntary death by fire for poetic justice to follow.

The story begins in circa 13th century, when Chittorgarh, was under the rule by ‘not-so’ glorious King Ratansen. The king walked into the history book for his famed wife, Padmavati or Padmini; a beautimas and could make men enjoy masturbathing with a mere reflection. According to me, the King is a perfect obsolesce in the tale playing the role of a ‘source’ or the ‘reason’ to this grandiose and much-hyped legendary story which otherwise would have been another great Indian love affair. 

Now, for those who have already familiar and have dropped their pants off, lemma’ bring you back to your senses by telling the fat-free bootilicious ‘babe’ lived in her own time and now died. We’re reloading her story. So…, a Young Turk from the North travelled with his cheerleaders and Green Berets and lived in canopies in the wild desert with a wish for a glimpse of royal beauty. (Dude, she ain’t Greta Garbo?) But, all in vain and end up waiting until one-day he tricked the ‘husband’ to agree.

As I’ve mentioned and now my theories confirms, Ratansen was a feeble jerk, a compulsive wanker, and meanie. In fact, he’s the mastermind to the history’s most indecent love affair that sought for a poetic justice to sound sober. Anyways, where was Alauddin Khilji?

Standing in the middle of a chamber that overlooking to the Queen’s Palace through the mirrors on the wall, the Young Turk with a mansion and harem was impatient yet; composious till the voluptosaur meekly stepped out and did the reflection thingee. Scientifically and on human ground, I consider the MAN to have fallen in love thus contradicting to the age-old historic belief who blames Mr. Khilji to be lecherous.

First, Mr. Khilji is a MAN who owns a whorehouse and plenty of sex, daily; but languishing in the desert for such a long-time thus sex-starved. Secondly, reflections produces better imageries than the real (that’s why they invented camera) and Padmavati happened to have shown her glimpse in the water which produces a mirror-image and genuinely hallucinates the Young Turk. Third, per human nature – the neighbor’s wife is sexcillent than one that you own. Finally, Padmavati is sedusive in her own way and perfectly orchestrated her looks and reflection to make the MAN start glistening. Poor Khilji, for he’s sexcommunicated in the history whereas, in real, he’s only a prey to Mr. and Mrs. Schematics. Ouch!

What happened later is a poetic justice or myth, yet to be proved. Still, I consider Mr. Khilji acted as a brash and quite foolishly to be easily fooled out. He trapped the man, who was otherwise has no significance apart of possessing a beautiful wife whom he showcases to earn enemies. He laid a siege to capture the fort immediately which inspire his sexi-natalie to walk into the History’s Wall of Fame by committing Johar or Indian hara-kiri – an act of jumping into the fire and turn to ashes. And, thus the glorious story of a would-be love tale abruptly ends into exalted act and history continues…

Sunday, March 28, 2010

The Fortress I Seieged : Kumbhalgarh

There she stands recluse in isolation amidst the ravines of folded mountains overlooking the snaky walls that circumbulates the fortress and disappear somewhere in the scrub jungles. From a height of 3,568ft you look down to the panoramic rugged scenery and feel nothing less than powerful.

Situated at a distance of 80kms northwest of Udaipur, on the banks of Banas River; the bulbous Kumbhal-garh fortress was one of the least-known yet historic citadel, took 15-long years for Rana Kumbha to build. And, what a stupendous creation of man containing a domed palace along the 36km long winding walls that defended the citadel from series of battlements and second-only to the famous wall of China.

Now, if you got the itching notion that this overwhelming fortress is an abandoned medieval structure with almost no inhabitants around; you’d be disappointed to find delighted activities with fertile landscape around. Built in circa 1485, the fortress is guarded by seven lofty gates as you climb the steep walls which are wide enough for eight horses to march abreast. For years, though she served as impregnable hideouts to Mewari rulers during crisis and stands as a wary sentinel but it was a mammoth task for Rana Kumbha and his men to make such a creation stand to its ground.

In fact, the most interesting part to any Rajasthani fortress is the associated folklore or legends mix with history and Kumbhal-garh is nothing short of it. In 1443, when the king started the construction the structure eventually crumbles to ruins by the sunset until a spiritual preceptor address the king to offer human sacrifice but voluntarily done. The king sent out word, but, as can be expected, no one volunteered. But one day, a pilgrim (also considered to a soldier from the commandment) volunteered and been ritually decapitated. The sacrifice was necessary to ensure that the battle walls being constructed by Rana Kumbha would be strong enough to withhold the sieges. Today the main gate of the fortress, Hanuman Pol contains a shrine and a temple to commemorate the great sacrifice.

The palace at the top of the cliff, known as Badal Mahal is a two-storied structure divided into two interconnected distinct portions i.e. the Zanana and the Mardana Mahal and elaborately decorated with oil paintings. The Zanana Mahal is provided with stone jalis which facilitated the queens to see the court proceedings and other events in privacy. (Note: Most of the rooms are currently restored by the Government of India and thus, found to be locked, the views over the walls to the jungle covered hillsides and across the deserts of Marwar towards Jodhpur, are simply stunning.)

Close to the fortress as you climb down the plains is the Neelkanth Mahadeo Temple dedicated to Lord Shiva. The six foot high stone Lingam (the symbol of Shiva) is the only deity in the area still being worshipped and maintained by the locals. A legend says that Rana Kumbha was said to be so tall that as he sat for his prayers on the floor of the temple, his eyes were on level with the deity! It is said that the king was about 9 feet tall. He never began a day without performing prayers to this deity himself. What an irony that he was beheaded by his own son, as he prayed. It is easy to get lost in time as you stand on the walls of this fort, listening to the stories of its legendary king – the king who gave his name to this area, and who lives on through his deeds long after his tragic demise.

But the story of a fortress doesn’t end here unless you recall the sieges that she defended or succumbed. Accordingly, Kumbhal-garh was captured many a times and passed through various hands. First the Mughal forces captured the fort soon after Haldi Ghati and forced Maharana Pratap to seek shelter in the forests. The Marathas captured the fort and later returned it for a ransom of Rs. 70,000. Finally, in c. 1818, when the fort’s garrison was on the point of mutiny for arrears of pay, the East India Company stepped in and Todd secured the fort on paying a large sum of money to clear the arrears. And, finally one glorious morning of March it was seized by me…or vice versa.

(Note: The Banas is a river of Rajasthan state in western India. It is a tributary of the Chambal River, which in turn flows into the Yamuna, a tributary of the Ganges. The Banas is approximately 512 kilometers in length. Best time to visit the fortress is during the winters and especially if you love to adventure than safari to the jungles is highly recommended.)