My Life is in mess again

Every day, I struggle to get domesticated but with each step I fail like a big thud. In fact, a week ago I dated a psychiatrist he dumped me midway for I was yelling at my colleague who created one more bug (Boy, I was tryin’ to sensitize him on the criticality: don’t you think I am sensible guy). Well… never ask momma dear on that note.

Yes I am overworked and now, malnourished, under-earning, and no-sex long time. Feel like sooner I will turn to a vegetable. Yes, I am running myself ragged with the move, settling in, keeping all the balls in the air. But what’s really killing me is how much I want to be at one of my jobs. My conundrum is this: I want to spend my time making the ranch solvent and successful. I feel compelled to be there, tucked in the hillside with the animals, the activities, even the managerial hardships. Even!

I keep thinking to myself how much of my life is spent practically PAYING for volunteer work coz’ every job get to my nerve (the present one is the best of the examples) sometime or other. Does that mean I am best of all hard-working blokes? Dude, I need some break and sit back to look after those need me.

Now, when I look at myself; all I want is hillside top view to escape. Poetry. To be filled with love. And I feel bereft of each of those. Abandoned by them too. Sic!