It's a Dog Life and I pay the Rent

My neighbor has a ‘dog’. Okay! With all due respect, she’s *a bitch*. (Grr…) Nah! Not the matron but the pet. It’s a bitch! It’s a bitch. (Grr…rr…)

Stop It, Bitch! You don’t pay rent? Know, how pain it’s to the A** when the first week of the next month is the next week. Bills start dropping like bird’s poo. You’ve it all across yourself. And for some weird reasons (dunno) the delivery man hand it to the lousy matron, next door.

I’ve bills for everything and all bills come to her, first. She delivers them to me with usual tingling knock. Ting-tong! Ting-tong! Ting-tong! F*** Man! I’ve bills to pay for the electricity, it don’t come for free. (One more time, she press the switch I’m goin screw her brain out.) Open the door and there she standing as a teapot with her two pooches looking at me and one sniffing the other. Like a spilling teapot at my door, “there she’s…” narrating a brief act like a fairy tale and waving the piece of paper over my nose, repeatedly. I serve as the doorpost pretend to listen and occasionally respond in mono-syllable or an incomplete sentence.

“Bill…”! Yea…I know, it’s always the bills. Bitch!

My mom faints if I don’t call and when I do she complain. So, my service provider charges me for having talked to mom and sent me a bill. Didn’t they have heart? I live a plush floor with two rooms and designer mattresses that need some lightning. Wonder…why doth the Dark Ages come to an end? I’ve a maid who makes me food… (Okay, she sit over the rack with a long rubber shaft fixed into her tight hole) and gets cold if the cylinder dry-out. For some humane reason, I buy her a lover every month and go frigid myself. I learn a secret from her, “Never go twosome”.

What? You think I exaggerate.

There are few more, the gateman who wear a rifle that fire only when filled with gun powder (Gee…!). He’s also too fragile and barely walks. He sits, dozes, and charges me for security. What…Security? The Flintstonian, a runaway pugilist from the Battle of 1857 or maybe Plassey need security for himself. [Ain’t I serving him bills to bore me day in-and-out?] Oh…! There’s a lift or to be politically correct, we’re having a ‘lift’. Philosophically, if you’ve something needn’t meant you’re entitled to use it. So, we’re having a lift that nobody could use because it remains halted or in a broken state. But, we have a liftman (how’z dat?) and we don’t use Him too. Still, you need to pay his bill because he wears a blue tunic (that has never been washed since the Dark Ages) and inform you to take the stairs as the “life is again broke down, today”.

“Next month, I will be broke and you take to roads, Is that okay?”

My insurer sends me bills to pay the premiums for my life needs insurance. I’ve a suggestion! Lemma, rest in my grave happily than paying for insurance! Yea…I also own a car and there’s yearly billing for that too. Gawd! First, I made payments to buy one and then my sister conquered and drive away. I still pay the premiums to keep her driving on road safely while the haggles with auto-drivers. Last month, she banged the car and bills are served me to again.

Ranting… (Ah!) My poor balance account refills on month only to empty by the first weekend. Ting-tong! Now, the bill comes not in paper but in a figurine. My handsome landlord standing at the door with pearly tooth-set; the pooches sneak from their doorstep and one bark mockingly. Bitches! He’s the bill himself! Six thousand grand, two cups tea, and rounds of shoot questions to field…I am on rent.

It’s dog life but dogs don’t pay rent. Why should I? I clean the floor, mop the windows, flush the toilet after use, throw dust in the bin…dogs don’t do any one them. And in describing a picture of the two dogs in my neighbor (man’s best friend), slacked on the rent; they eat Oakley goggles, chew the comfortable pair of designer high heels, bark at anyone. Last time, I catch one of them pee at the lift and the ever-free liftman cleaning the place. Why don’t they pay rent?

I wish, the first week of the next month to arrive few days early I won’t be paying the monthly rent. My entire life is in rent. I rented love, happiness, accommodation, services, living itself and served with bill any day.