When Cupid Strike

Looks like Cupid just shot an arrow when reindeers were marching their way with the chirpy Santa Claus from chimneys.

Oh, I know, it ain’t a wonderful feeling. I feel like a completely new person! I've never had this much fun in my entire life! I’m otherwise a freaky, boring techie guy who flirt over Internet and drink cups of tea. Suddenly, I start loving musicals and nachos. I visit malls and overpowered by shopping frenzy. The list is growing within me like enzymes and I’m worried.

O! I love the night sky and the starry dreams. I love the seashore and entangled feet. And Jesus! I suddenly love the idea of ‘getting married’. Isn’t it crazy? Now, I look at myself and ask what I’ve done to myself. Worried of what love has done to myself.

एक ख्याल

For the one who brought back 'love', I quote:
कुछ पल की हैं यह ज़िन्दगी,
अब मुझको तुम जी लेने दो...
इस पल में न रोको मुझे, इस पल को सांसों में भर लेने दो...
कल फिर होगी सन्नाटा
कल फिर खामोश रहोगे तुम भी,
बस! आज मुझे जी भर के तुम्हारी बाते कर लेने दो।

The Mixed Bag

For a long time, I put my big board on the ‘bin’ and thought living as privately as I could. But, it didn’t work out well and self-realization gets through. And, as we edge for the year to close, I am recounting the numbers of haves and have-nots. So, let me put it this way.

First, things I shouldn’t have done (though don’t regret on them) but I’d try not to repeat:

• Never cease to my creativity again. Life otherwise is dull and IS my natural outlet. For past 2-months or more I stopped blogging, I stopped travelling, I stopped myself from anything that I earlier involved or love to… As the year come to close, I’m a sulkin’, broodin’ old man who get to recluse and lost my touch.
• Never lease to too-many worldliness. Life otherwise take you to ride and end at dungeon. For couple of months, I lost myself to too-many greediness, smelt my money hard, feel bodies close and lewdly together, and lost to ‘unholy’ me. Earlier, I tried not to touch it but failed to keep the commitment. As the year come to close, I’m a sulkin’, broodin’ old man who get to recluse and lost my touch.
• Never try a double-mind. Life otherwise make you choose the worst. When you failed to respond to your instinct and take the second-best option, you lost to the only choice you have. Rest of the options are meant only to keep the life-running, if not happily. As the year come to close, I realized my double-mindedness left me as a sulkin’, broodin’ old man who get to recluse and lost my touch.
• Never live in Hyderabad for more than a week. Life otherwise find a sludgy show. The closed landscape makes the city as the Siberia of India where life finds no outlet and most goes insane. If not the others, I do. Four years back, when I visited Hyderabad I return to Bangalore with no penny in my pocket. The last 8-months left dead and me dried. I start believing that there’s an EVIL resides in the city and we don’t equal. Amidst the fluorescent city lights, I’m a sulkin’, broodin’ old man who gets to recluse and lose the touch.

PS: I can’t write more. There’s something wrong today; a VERY MACBETHAN night tonight and I sense ghosts visiting me.

Pre-Birthday Dash

Tomorrow is my birthday and I had a feel of 'lowness' now. Azeem is not coming to the party. I lost to his (when compared) ex-lover. In fact, he never had loved me so deeply as I did but I do... I do... and it pains now.

I lost to love and feeling low. Tomorrow is my birthday and I won't be celebrating again, anymore.

Incorrigible Incompetent

Morning, 10:30 A.M: The office buzz is in full bloom when the lanky fella’ walks in with this shirt drooping like a hangar clipped to a thin rope. Standing six-feet and something, he looks like a skeleton with his pale bucktooth exposed to the morning air smelling rotten tomatoes. He reminds me of a scarecrow. The man is mad!

Staring to his blue Windows, since the morning—he pretends, scratches, and lastly gulp a throat of spit; ever wondering what NOT to do; OR to be correct ‘how NOT to do’. Rather, he is the most incompetently incorrigible slob I’ve ever encountered.

That’s exaggeration. Oh, NO! Let me recount the list of tasks he has done for past one week. Hmm…, I can’t even recall anything except of having catch him ogling at the galaxy (the screensaver) for nearly 6-hours (and he come to office at 11:00 everyday). In fact, it’s unworthy and a sin to write anything (him…) but I always get somebody as a pain to my ass. And, he’s the latest. (Thus, I don’t mind bitching. In fact, I’m lovin it.)

For past eight years, my work life has been engaging and enriching yet this is one of the BEST examples of where I shouldn’t be. I commit harakiri to my career but trying to find a way out. (Hope, the wish will be granted soon.) Till then, living with incorrigible incompetents. WTF!

Remorseless

What a salvation? Well, it's the opposite of damnation. I learned that Hell is a real place where you really do go if you’re forgiven when you meet Jesus. Interestingly, he’d forgive you for anything—child labor, loss of innocence, murder, or Internet porn. Unless, I walk to HIM and confess: “I’m GAY”

Why did I wrote this?

For past few months, when I return to my ‘queer’ self after the long hiatus; surprisingly the world seems to have changed a lot. I’m all-welcomed and in-demand. (The shirtless avatar and new hairdo create its wonder—I look queer now.) Happy!

Yea! Seems like someone's been bitten by the puppy love bug. But to be honest, It's time for me to stop hiding all the stupid gunk and step up to be a man, it's time for me to say that every time I close my eyes, all I see is your face and my stupid hair and my stupid chat and my stupid fans…

Feeling like a shadow passing over my soul until I realized ‘I love you’! And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you—truly, sincerely, and with all honesty. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't-I can't look into your eyes without feeling that-that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. (No pun intended)

I know…I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there's a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. And all I ask, please, is that you. You might nudge and say, queer songs in the air… but you know; even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I am forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, NOW-FOREVER!

Funny Ad - Or Food for Thought

Yesterday, I was watching this funny advertisement at YouTube (me, definitely a youtubber). The campaign is funny, if not hilarious and truly expressive with almost no dialogues. Creativity is at its best. To brief, those who haven’t noticed the campaign ad, it opens with a text which says bangles, talisman & vermillion mark on forehead are the symbols of a married woman. Husband daily applies a vermillion mark on the wife’s forehead as it is related to his long life and when he dies mourners strip off all these symbols from a married woman who is a widow now.

Shot II: Sandstorms blew that desert clear where a group of Rudali (local mourners) waiting as the husband struggle with last few breath. And, no sooner does the man breathe his last – the screen goes chirpy with the wailing mourners start to strip the woman of all the symbols except the vermillion spot on her forehead. In fact, two ladies tried their best but never succeed. In amidst of this process husband takes a deep breath leaving all bewildered and the woman amused.

Shot III: In the flash back it is shown that the Vermillion mark was inscribed with the permanent marker and the ad ends with the voice over ‘Camlin permanent markers, really permanent.’ With a humorous twisted and pun on the permanence of (at least in the ideal world!) marriage, taken by Camlin, the makers of Permanent markers – it leaves an interesting ‘food for thought’ to me… [Check the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uxq2d8uBIk]

‘Why the courseware designers don’t take a cue from this?’ Ask the marketers and traditional school of learning.

Saradiya Subeccha Roilo...Ami Mayer kache jabo

My heart yearns homeward as festivities start to unwrap. The joyful city or the ‘Meri Delhi’ wake at the soft flow of Autumnal sunshine, days filled with warmth and smile are back. I have definitely lost track of time... and don’t mind being.

Elo khusir sarat.Ektu himmer hawa.Pujor bhore dhaker aawaj. Mayer kachey jawa.Onek khusir onek alo, pujo ebar katuk bhalo. Sarodiar Subhecha roilo. (Bengali phonetics)

Turned to my Grandmother

There used to be a time when I would wake only to the sound of my alarm, take a nice long stretch, and meet up with myself in the bathroom mirror only to discover an incredible case of bed head and some nice pillow case lines imprinted onto the entire length of my face. For five months, I wake up to the sound of alarm bell only to stop the buzzer and recoil under the warm blanket and sleep.

Dissolving the ego appears to be a very daunting task. I am beginning to be more aware of when it arises-which appears to happen all too frequently. One way that I thought of slowly turning the tide was to do an ego releasing deed with every ego promoting thought. That might be one way to keep the ego in check.

So...I realized today that I have finally turning to my grandmother.