The Mixed Bag

For a long time, I put my big board on the ‘bin’ and thought living as privately as I could. But, it didn’t work out well and self-realization gets through. And, as we edge for the year to close, I am recounting the numbers of haves and have-nots. So, let me put it this way.

First, things I shouldn’t have done (though don’t regret on them) but I’d try not to repeat:

• Never cease to my creativity again. Life otherwise is dull and IS my natural outlet. For past 2-months or more I stopped blogging, I stopped travelling, I stopped myself from anything that I earlier involved or love to… As the year come to close, I’m a sulkin’, broodin’ old man who get to recluse and lost my touch.
• Never lease to too-many worldliness. Life otherwise take you to ride and end at dungeon. For couple of months, I lost myself to too-many greediness, smelt my money hard, feel bodies close and lewdly together, and lost to ‘unholy’ me. Earlier, I tried not to touch it but failed to keep the commitment. As the year come to close, I’m a sulkin’, broodin’ old man who get to recluse and lost my touch.
• Never try a double-mind. Life otherwise make you choose the worst. When you failed to respond to your instinct and take the second-best option, you lost to the only choice you have. Rest of the options are meant only to keep the life-running, if not happily. As the year come to close, I realized my double-mindedness left me as a sulkin’, broodin’ old man who get to recluse and lost my touch.
• Never live in Hyderabad for more than a week. Life otherwise find a sludgy show. The closed landscape makes the city as the Siberia of India where life finds no outlet and most goes insane. If not the others, I do. Four years back, when I visited Hyderabad I return to Bangalore with no penny in my pocket. The last 8-months left dead and me dried. I start believing that there’s an EVIL resides in the city and we don’t equal. Amidst the fluorescent city lights, I’m a sulkin’, broodin’ old man who gets to recluse and lose the touch.

PS: I can’t write more. There’s something wrong today; a VERY MACBETHAN night tonight and I sense ghosts visiting me.